Sunday, July 02, 2006

Welcome to Denial, Colorado

So I had made plans to go home to Colorado before the latest salvos between my Dad and me. My sister and her family were going to head to Colorado to visit the respective families before they moved to Paris. So I figured that I would come home at the same time. I would give me a chance to visit with my sister, niece, and nephew, and see my parents as well.

After the last couple of letters between me and my Dad, I had started to dread the trip. I didn't want to do anything to ruin the trip, to get into any big arguments, to cause any scenes. I mean, we are episcopalians after all, we just don't do that type of thing. So I was wondering how this was all going to play out.

I got in late Friday night and so when I walked into the kitchen at the crack of dawn on Saturday, I definitely surprised my parents and they were definitely glad to see me. But make no mistake, it's all about denial:

- denial that I'm gay.
- denial that my Mom still smokes
- denial that my Dad doesn't accept me
- denial that my brother in law drinks a little bit too much

I've made some gay-like (and gay-lite) comments around my sister and Mom, and the subject's been changed pretty quickly. Dad hasn't mentioned a word about the exchange of letters between us. So it's all kind of surreal.

But I'm going with the flow for now. But in the back of my mind, I wonder if all of this denial, all of this self censorship, is just pushing me back into the closet.

3 Comments:

At 3:56 PM, Blogger Chris said...

G says that I do this all the time with my family. Oh how is X? Never comes up...la la la.

Let's blame our religion for it...

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger Vig said...

One day, you're going to be fine.

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger Vig said...

One day, you're going to be fine. But today, my heart hurts for you too.

 

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