I went to go see this tonight. I'm so glad I did. It was touching and moving and just amazing. And I actually learned some things also. One of the major players in the film is Bishop Robinson and I thought back to the summer of 2004, the summer his election to the Diocese of New Hampshire had to be consented to by the Episcopal Church's General Convention. Dad and I were on a Backroads trip in Denmark and after a long bike ride, we would relax in the room watching a bit of the tube. And usually watching BBC. Being British, the General Convention was getting lots of coverage. And I remember my father using such hurtful ugly language and me getting mad. Wanting to tell him that I was just like that person he was denigrating and denouncing. But I didn't. I told him that I had friends that were gay and that I didn't appreciate his language. That he made himself sound stupid and hateful when he used such language. That he knew better and then I walked out of the room lest I say anything else. I wasn't ready to be that honest with him.
Honesty. Integrity. These words were used a lot in the movie and oddly enough I thought about the latest right wing republican gay sex scandal. But to be honest, it's not really a gay sex scandal. This sad man has wrapped himself up in a series of lies, built his life around them, believed in his own ability to separate himself from the reality that includes his same sex attraction. It doesn't mean he's gay. Like Mr. Wide Stance, I don't think he's gay. In this context, I will say that being gay is a lifestyle. Being gay is being open and honest with yourself, living with integrity. But he can't say that. And because he can't rip apart the foundations of the lies that he's based his life on, he can't be open, or honest, or live with any type of personal integrity. Instead, he has to have furtive and all to often illegal or dangerous sex to deal with his same sex attraction. It really is sad.
And I can see how it can happen. I really do feel sad for the man.
She said stridently as she pushed an EMPTY baby stroller through the very thick crowd while Daddy was carrying the child on his shoulders. Oh yes, let's all get out of HER way, because on a night when THOUSANDS of people are going to be crammed onto the streets to watch the high heel drag race, we all need to make way for her and her EMPTY baby stroller. To quote he who is an attention whore, "Bitch Please!"
Needless to say I was not amused. And even though we got there two hours early, there was no way to get a decent view. We got some libations at Juniors and then hung around a bit. At some point the crowd got too much and I had to leave. Yes before the race even happened, but it' s not like I could see from where I was.
Oh well. And I'm going to see a documentary tomorrow night, so that's my Halloween plan.
It's from a T-shirt on a hot guy I saw while wandering down Bourbon St.
Yep, I'm in the Big Easy, and for work no less. So kind of cool.
My hotel is in the straight end of the French Quarter. Which means that I feel young and thin walking around, and then once I get to the gay end, I'm old and fat, again. Oh well.
Can someone please explain straight strip clubs to me? There are a ton of them here. And considering that most women here almost seem to want to show you their boobs for some beads, I'm not sure why you would pay to see them. Oh, well I guess they are completely naked in the clubs here, so there is that.
But the thing is, I just don't get it. And this isn't a gay thing not wanting to see boobies. I've seen a lot of women's breast and they don't scare me. But I just don't get straight strip clubs. So you're a straight guy, you go into a strip club, you have a couple drinks, you watch the hot women, you get horny and then? And then you go home alone. It's not like you're going to score with one of the strippers (unless it's *that* kind of "strip club"). So after drinking expensive drinks and slipping one dollar bills into some girl's g-string, you're going to go home and either taking a long cold shower, or spanking the monkey.
A gay strip club I get. There are hot boys dancing around. There are other men around you. While you aren't going to score with the dancers, there are other horny men surrounding you. So you've atleast got a shot for some action there. So that makes sense.
But I'm walkin' just the same Skies turn to the usual grey When you turn to face the day And love don't show up in the pavement cracks All my water colours fade to black I'm goin' nowhere and I'm ten steps back All my dreams have fallen flat
So if you don't recognize the song, it's Pavement Cracks by Annie Lennox. The PI Princess and I went to see her Thursday night at GW's Listner Auditorium and it was really a great concert. I love the Listner because it's a smaller, more intimate venue and even though we were in the nose bleed section I still thought we could see pretty well.
After the first song, I turned to the PI Princess and joked, "Well she's no Britney Spears." And I couldn't have been more correct. Boney thin and angular, pale with short blond hair, she looks for amazing for her age. And while she really can't dance, that's not why you are there. This isn't a concert you go to for a "show". This is the concert you go to "listen" to the music. And her voice was just amazing.
When she started to sing Pavement Cracks, I started to get chills up my spine.
It never quite seems to work out the way you wanted. But you know the drill: fall back to move forward. Catch you step. Avoid the cracks. Today is the only day you have anyhow. And all that love you've ever wanted? It's overdue."
Really. It should be fun. A large crowd of gay men, in various shapes and sizes, some good music, a little liquor to get the party started. It has all of the makings of a good time.
But it started off all wrong and went downhill from there. I purposely waited until about 11PM to head over to Blow Off. I'm always early, and I hate that. But then I arrive only to find out that there was a concert that night and the doors opened at 1130. So I made my way downstairs to the back bar, got a beer, and then instead of trying to talk to anyone, I read blogs on my cell phone. Yes, I'm pathetic. But we knew that, right?
After 15 or so minutes, they open the upstairs and I walk into the main room and Bob has clips of "The Birds" showing to the music which was actually kind of cool. I had caught a bit of it earlier when I was channel surfing, so it just kind of cool. The music as good, but now the main room seems empty. As the crowd makes it's way in, I stand at the back, leaning against a wall checking out the people. It really is an interesting mix of guys. Clean cut military types, the facial hair crowd (who may or may not be bears), the twinks, and even a trio of lesbians who started dirty dancing almost immediately. And then there's me.
I wander a bit, watching people. I see someone I know. I go over and say hello. But they are with someone else and I don't want to intrude. I see the usual homo blogeratti. I get a second beer. The music is good. The crowd is shifting, not quite dancing, but now it's crowded. And I'm feeling particularly alone. I fall into this weird headspace where I question why I'm here. What's my goal. Is it to dance? Then I need to stay longer. But what's the point? If I do end up dancing, it will be by myself. I won't meet anyone. The music is good, but I don't know much of it. And then the DC equivalent of the Chelsea crowd starts to take their shirts off. Ugh. I did NOT need that. If it had been a group of bears, then I could have handled it, but that much perfection is just annoying.
And I start to edge my way to the door. People are streaming in from outside and the main room is going from crowded to packed. And it's not that I'm claustrophobic, but at some point it becomes a bit overwhelming. I lean against the door fighting the urge to flee, arguing with myself that I don't get out much. That I need to make more of an effort. But as more and more guys go by, I start to feel . . . . I don't know. Like I shouldn't be there. And so I retreat.
But to add to my many mistakes, I go to a late night diner near my house and get something to eat at like 1 in the morning. Nothing like eating your emotions. And why am I fat again?
I've got House of Ruth duty tomorrow and I needed to run to the Soviet Safeway to get my items. Cheese slices and green beans. I get four boxes of cheese with 72 slices each. And then three gigantic cans of green beans. The guy in front of me in line was definitely intrigued at my purchase. But the real problem was getting it home. I don't have a granny cart, just my two hands, and they were heavy. Thankfully I could drop the green beans off at church and I'll just take the cheese back tomorrow. After the 9AM service, we'll head over to the shelter in NE and help them cook. It's light weight volunteering, once a month, a couple of hours, and I like to think it makes a difference.
Ever since I got back from Colorado, I've been running around with my head cut off. Just busy at work. Too much to do. The problem is that when I get sucked into these work cycles, everything else just falls by the wayside. Gym. Good eating habits. Any pathetic pretense of a social life. Yes, I did escape the house twice this week.
First I went to dinner up on Capital Hill. My church does these group dinner type things so this was the first one. I was supposed to bring dessert and I had thought about making something over the top like "Death By Chocolate" (have I mentioned the diet is out the window?). Then I thought, nope, no time. Let's just make some brownies. Maybe throw in some crushed up Heath toffee bars. But I did something wrong. Yes, I f&cked up a box mix of brownies. I will never be Top Chef! Where's Dale when I need him. Need, want, whatever. Anyways, after dumping the mutant brownies into the trash, I headed to Whole Foods to get a Carrot Cake to take. The evening was interesting. I don't do the social/coffee hour thing after church, so I don't really know anyone at church, so it was good to get to know some of the people. Needless to say everyone there was gay, and while we didn't talk about church that much (we actually had a very embarrassing conversation about what's on our Tivo's season pass list!), it was interesting to hear about why people come to St. Thomas'. One of the guys was a former Mormon. And he still believed in a the Book of Mormon. Not sure how I would square the two mentally and spiritually, but whatever.
So that was Wednesday night. Thursday afternoon at work I had one of those days. Just completely overwhelmed and I started to shut down. So I ran home and just sort of laid on my bed waiting for my mind to slow down a bit. By the time I felt a little bit better, I realized that I needed to get out of the house. So I went to see a couple of the Reel Affirmations movies. And while were good (well some of the shorts weren't). They weren't very up. Look, I don't need any more depression in my life. There were a couple of that talked about growing old, as single gay men. Yeah, not so uplifting.
Friday I came home almost in a good mood. The guy I interviewed was actually pretty good and might be able to help take some of the load off me. I got a call from a Navy friend of mine and I went to meet her at Vidalia's which does a wine tasting every night from 5:30-6:30PM. So we partook of that with another friend. She's got a reservist Navy friend who's single and lives in Dupont that she wants to me to meet. But he was a no show. After a flight of white wine at Vidalias and some pretty expensive cheese, we wandered the West End looking for a place for dinner. And that was a quest. Any place decent was booked till after 930. Well it was a Friday night. We ended up at the bar at FireFly and munched on apps while the rain came down.
If I can find the energy, I want to try to Blow Off tonight. But we'll see. I'm yawning already. Though I think I do have an emergency spare can of Red Bull in the fridge. So we'll see.
Mom offered to do some laundry for me, and since she offered, who was I to say no? So I gave her my dirty clothes and she cranked up the washing machine. Well this morning we got to play, "yours or Dads"? This is the game where we go through the laundry to determine what's mine and what's Dad's. Now on some things it's obvious. For example, the Hane's underswear? Dad. The 2Xist underwear? Mine. But with things like socks, it's a little bit harder.
Mom, picking up a pair of socks, said, "Oh these are your Dads. I know them by now." And she proceed to tell me about how this pair of socks got separate by fate, and how Dad wouldn't give up on the missing sock. He hung the remaining sock on his door in the hope that the prodigal sock would return. And return it did. About six months later, as Mom pulled out the flannel sheets for Dad's bed, she found, clingy tightly to the flannel sheet, the missing sock. And there was much rejoicing in the house.
Now, things don't always go so smoothly. In my family, there's the infamous story of the missing jock. I thankfully wasn't there, but a couple of years ago my sister and brother-in-law (BNL) were living with my parents while they were house hunting. Well apparently during one of the times my Mom was washing the clothes, one of my Dad's jocks went missing. And then it turned into a blame game. Who had stolen the jock. This was pre-CSI days, so there was no formal investigation, but there are some suspects. Now mind you, I have no idea why someone would want to steal the jock, but I think that's irrelevant. Now whenever something is missing around those house, we always say that's it's with the missing jock.
Anyways, my family isn't normal.
Now it's not like I read the Washington Post every day at home, mainly because I get most of my news from the internet, but atleast there is news in the Washington Post. Here in Colorado Springs, I'm subjected to the Gazette, which is pretty pathetic. Mainly a combination of the police blotter and recycled news from the major papers, the Gazette doesn't take too long to read. But with the Colorado Rockies playing in the NLCS there were several articles about them. And what kills me is that I read atleast FOUR articles that talked about the possibility of the Rockies playing in snow. The temp dropped 30 degrees last night and right now you can't see Pike's Peak because of the snow falling up at the higher altitudes. So it's quite possible that they may end up playing in the snow, but is this such a big story that it has to be be mentioned in four different stories?
I left beautiful sunny, warm, San Diego and flew to Colorado Springs last night. The flight was uneventful and I managed to get quite a bit of work done at the airport so that was good.
The rentals are fine. Still talking over and past each other, but I try my best to listen to all of the conversations.
Other than cleaning up Mom's PC and showing Dad how to send his digital pictures to Mom, I've got limited PC duty on this trip. So not too bad.
We're going to church tomorrow. All of us. And I'll be wearing my little Episcopal pin. We'll see if that leads to any interesting conversations.
It's just kind of slow and quiet here. Which is nice for a change. I'm sure I'll ramp back up to warp 9 once I get back to DC.
Does anyone really believe W when he says that we don't torture?
It's nice to see Jimmy Carter (still much reviled despite all of the good work he's done since he left office) come out and say what so many people are thinking. That yes, the US is torturing people and all the new definitions and parsing of statements doesn't hide that fact.
Congrats to Al Gore on winning the Nobel Peace Prize. I hope all of the climate change deniers choke on their pretzels!
Hillary. What do you do with a problem like Hillary? Look, she's a cold, passionless, calculated, politician, and I mean in that in the not good way. Sure she's capable and would probably make a good President and I'll probably end up voting for her if she gets the nomination, but I don't like her, I don't trust her, and I think her presidency will continue to divide and polarize the country.
And that's why I like Obama. Yes he's a bit inexeperienced, but I think he's a real person, with real faults, and he's more of a public servant, than a politician. I like to think that he can draw the best out of people, to take them above their partisan positions, and try to move America forward. Be the Uniter that W never was. I can dream can't I?
I'm back in beautiful sunny San Diego. I really do love it here. What I don't love, are some of the marathon meetings that I'm in. And of course if you're a coffee addict, you're all set. But if you don't like your caffeine hot, then you are out of luck. So I wandered over to the little deli/cafe and got a Coke for breakfast. Yes, I know, the breakfast of champions. Bite me! I'm still jet lagged, didn't sleep well, and I need the oh so yummy combination of sugar and caffeine to make it through the meeting madness. Actually, I ended up having two, but the second was a caffeine free Diet Coke (which tasted like crap!). At lunch we drove over to Subway and I ordered a drink and realized that I didn't want any more soda. I was Coke-d out. So sad really. I "recovered", so to speak, later in the afternoon and had another crappy caffeine free Diet Coke. But now I feel really sluggish.
Oh, so I finally run into a classmate of mine (I say finally because at these meetings I keep thinking I'm going to run into someone I know) and you know I'm not being vain, but I totally look better than him. Sure he's thinner, but he definitely looks older than I do. A little worse for wear if you know what I mean. ;-)
So it's actually been a pretty busy week for me. Too busy actually. I had a couple of moments where I just started to feel overwhelmed. Mainly work related, but there were some other things going on as well.
Wednesday night I want to hear Bishop Chane speak at St. Patrick's. I was late because apparently the German Embassy was also hosting a HUGE reunification anniversary party and the traffic was hellish. I ended up parking illegally but at that point I was so frustrated I didn't care. Bishop Chane spoke of what happened at the House of Bishops meeting in New Orleans. I'm still a bit worked up over that, but wanted to hear more about it. I like Bishop Chane. I think he's a good guy and I appreciate all of the hard work he's done. But I didn't necessarily like what he said that night. He said the House of Bishops just "isn't there yet" when it comes to electing/consenting GLBT Bishops or same sex blessings. And that the Anglican Community just "isn't there yet" as well when it comes to these issues. And so I had to ask, "What can we do to get the HoB there? The Anglican Community there? He didn't give me a real exact asnwer, but mainly his point is that we've got to continue to bear witness in the church and continue to do the right thing. There must have been over 40 people at the meeting and I'd say half were clergy of some sort. And I was pleasantly surprised to see the diversity of the clergy who where there. Lots of women, african americans, and obviously some GLBT in attendance. It's one of the many reasons why I do like my church.
Anyways, as I've been surfing the Anglican blogosphere I found this. It's long, and odd in places, but it really touched me. I had to close the door to my office and cry a bit when I read it. Not exactly sure why it effected me so. But I think I'm going to help build a school. It just feels like the right thing to do. I've been wanting to DO SOMETHING for awhile and I think this is it.
Swimming etiquette. So I did manage to swim twice this week. And I've got a couple of small complaints. First, I don't approve of the use of fins in the lap lanes. I will make some exceptions for seniors, or people who are injured, or something like that, but if you are healthy and in good shape, just grab a frakkin kick board and kick like everyone else. You really mess up the rhythm of the lane. Second, don't jump into a lane that already has 4 people in it if the lane next to it only has 2? I'm not sure why someone would want to purposely overcrowd a lane. But they do. Third, and yes this is kind of petty, but when you are resting at the end of a lane, try to stand either to the left or the right. Not in the MIDDLE! Anyways, yesterday I did 6x250 free with 50 breast in between. So I'm getting there.
Does anyone even believe W anymore on his "we don't torture" crap? I guess you can tell how I feel. And to contrast the awful stories exposed by the NYTimes to this article in the Washington Post about WWII interrogators. Talk about sad. Yep, it's amazing how in just a short time the W administation has tarnished America and everything she stands for. Why can't we impeach him?
Anyways, I'm trying to get back into a normal schedule for my life. I still couldn't drag my big fat butt out of bed this AM to go to the gym, so I paid my penance this afternoon. Bike for 30 minutes (while reading Harry Potter #3) and then lifting (biceps and back).
And I'm *trying* to do the five meals a day thing. 8AM: Oatmeal. 1030ish: Broccoli with cheese. 1PM: Lean Cuisine. 4:30ish: Nectarine. 7PM: Salad with cheese and meat. And I'm enjoying a Fresca for dessert. My goal is to try to do that all week. We'll see if I can make it.
So I interviewed one of the Borg today. Nice enough guy, but not the right fit for the position I have open. But what kills me is just the lack of interview skills he had. He gave very short answers. He acted like he didn't even want to be there. And when I asked him if he had any questions (since I was frustrated trying to get info out of him), he pretty much said no.
That is not the right answer. If someone isn't obviously trying to get you out of their office and asks you if you have any questions, here are some starter questions. Please feel free to use them: - How long have you been at (insert company name). (speaks to longevity, career progression, company stability, etc) - What do you like best about working at (insert company name). (give insight into future boss or co-worker, also says something about the company) - What do you like worst about working at (insert company name). (this is even more important: will the interviewer be honest, or actually talk about the downsides of the company?)
And then use the answers to those questions to try to sell yourself. "Oh, you've been here for 7 years? That's great, I'm really looking for a company where I can dig in and really invest my time and energy in making it a success in the long run."
This really isn't that difficult, but it's really surprising how many bad interviews I've had.
Tomorrow night is the First Tuesday Happy Hour at Nellies, so I hope to make that. I'll have to adjust my work out schedule. And NO alcohol. But I'll be there. And then Wednesday I'm going to hear Bishop Chane speak about the HoB meeting in New Orleans. Should be interesting.
Oh and I must quote Sean: "turning one’s faith into a conquest meme is gaudy at best and at their worst the exact opposite of what I feel Christianity should be." What a great line. And I whole heartedly concur.
