Thursday, October 27, 2005

It's a Process

More email exchanges with my Dad. I told him Mom knew, but didn't like to talk about it. That my sister and brother-in-law knew and were fine with it. His response?

"Fine? NO WAY!!!"

He also made a comment about expecting condolences when other people find out. And he's concerned about the family name ending. To be honest, my last name is 13 letters long and is awful. Is it really so bad that the family name ends? And if this was such a concern of his, then why didn't he mention this before? Why didn't he ask me when I was going to get married and have children?

We just don't talk about important stuff in my family and it's making this process even more difficult. And as much as I want to joke and be sarcastic with him about some of this (one of my more endearing defense mechanisms), I know this isn't the time or the place for jokes. Though I did mention to my Mom and sister via email that maybe that illegitimate child from a Thai prostitute wasn't sounding so bad right now.

I'm going to call them again tomorrow night and act like everything is normal. I keep hoping that if we all act normal, then it will seem normal to him. But I'm not so sure. The emails this week have been rough and emotionally draining.

As I was blog-hopping during lunch I saw a great quote at Joe.My.God: "If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people." - Virginia Woolf

This a process that will take time. I keep telling myself that. And I pray that it will all turn out well in the end.


At 10:40 PM, Blogger d.K. said...

Wow, I wish I had something profound to say or even helpful. I really do believe that when your dad has had a chance to digest everything, and that can take a while, he'll be able to put things into perspective. I really believe that. My family was so much more terrific than I would have given them credit for. Hang in there, you know you did the right thing.
On another note, I have to tell you that I laughed out loud when I read the comment about your name "To be honest, my last name is 13 letters long and is awful. Is it really so bad that the family name ends?" That you can still be thinking in those kinds of humorous terms says a lot about your own emotional health. I have a feeling you'll all be fine (and I'm not just spouting BS, I really do have that feeling).
Hang in there amigo.

At 12:26 AM, Blogger Jillian said...

I am very proud of you, dear friend... It will work out in the end, and yes it will probably take some time. You'll look back on this some day and feel great about having the strength to be honest with your family and with yourself. With love from your friends in Albuquerque..


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