Sunday, November 06, 2005

The Letter

After a couple of email exchanges, we stopped talking about it. I sort of expected that. Denial is just one of the family traits I inherited from my parents. But then I got an email from my Dad saying that he was going to write a letter to discuss the situation.

The good news is that he wanted to make sure I knew that I was still his son and that he still loves me. When I read that first paragraph, I started to shake a bit. It was like a weight being lifted from my shoulders.

The bad news is that he recognizes that he has to accept my "lifestyle" but that he will never condone it. And I understand his point of view. He's not exposed to any gays or lesbians in his every day life, so he had no idea who they are or what they do. He probably has some sort of image stuck in his head from some Pride Parade on TV where they spent 99% of the coverage on the Dykes on Bikes, leather guys, and draq queens. I'm not sure what exactly he thinks my lifestyle is, but I'm sure in his mind it involves dressing up in women's clothing, taking drugs, and having wild crazy sex all the time. And I don't I wish sometimes (the sex part, not the women's clothes part).

I'm one of the million of your run-of-the-mill gay guys. I work, work out, pay taxes, pay bills, give to charities, go to church, like to travel, etc. I'll go out for drinks and dinner with my friends occasionally. Like to go to movies. Do you see anything inherently gay there? No. But Dad doesn't see that, or should I say instead, Dad hasn't seen that. After 30 plus years in the military and then now retired in white bread central, he just hasn't experienced a normal gay person.

He hopes my "lifestyle" won't change me from the good person I am. And I do. I'm hoping that now I'll be a bit happier, be a bit more honest, and one day fall in love. That's all this "new lifestyle" means to me.

I did send an email back to Dad letting him know that I had gotten his letter and to tell him that I loved him, understood his feelings, and that one day he would understand that who I am is nothing to be ashamed of.

I expect we'll settle into the old familiar routine of avoiding any discussion of any real depth. The weather, the job, football. All are safe topics that we can use to communicate with. And that's okay for now. I've made the first step. And in time, I hope there will be more steps.

3 Comments:

At 7:28 PM, Blogger d.K. said...

Congratulations. Not much more to say. Sounds like your head is in exactly the right place, but Jeez, it's got to be tough. Hang in there.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

BRAVO!! You are brave and I salute you! Why don't heteros have to come out? ("Hey mom I sleep with people of the opposite sex.") As a queer woman, (never quite sure of my own sexual identity, I resent the fact that I so often have to explain something so incredibly personal. And yet, it's so fundamental to who I am.

Congratulations!!

 
At 8:05 PM, Blogger Chris said...

the economist magazine uses an expression "extraordinarily ordinary" to describe gays. I think that fits many of us.

Hugs to you, and prayers for your father. I'll be in Denver for thanksgiving if you want a hug from me.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home